The Republic of the Philippines
Capital: Manila
Population: 98 million and unstoppable
Type of Government: Republic; Trapiz (Trapos and Showbiz)
Religion: Roman Catholicism; Christianity
External Debt: 60 billion
Language: Filipino (official; based on Tagalog) and English (official); eight major dialects – Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilocano, Hiligaynon or Ilonggo, Bicol, Waray, Pampango, and Pangasinan
OVERVIEW
The Philippines, the “Irony of the Orient”, is a small nation in insular South East Asia. It has borrowed trillion dollars from International Monetary Fund and World Bank yet it is poor. The world famous Banaue Rice Terraces is located here yet it is one of the biggest importer of rice in the world. The sons and daughters of the former dictator Ferdinand Marcos (who is one of the most corrupt leaders in the world ) are now duly elected politicians. Ferdinand’s wife was even given a tribute last month.
It had many American Military bases before and is now a host to Visiting Forces Agreement yet the country’s military sector is one of most poorly-equipped in Asia. No wonder the Abu Sayaff, a small terrorist group constituted of 300 men with guns, roams free and terrorize Mindanao every now and then. A police officer is unable to solve a simple held-up incident. A bank situated just across a police station is likely to get robbed in broad daylight.
The Japanese soldiers raped and killed millions of Filipinos yet so many agencies that send Filipino entertainers to Japan are all over the country. Everybody in the neighbourhood envies a family with one or two members entertaining Japanese abroad.
The Philippines suffered more during the American occupation that lasted only for 2 years than under the Spanish regime for 3 centuries yet they pride themselves by thanking the US for making the country, the so called 3rd largest English-speaking country in the world. The Philippines, truly the “Irony of the Orient.”
GEOGRAPHY
The Philippine archipelago is made up of 7, 107 islands and islets. The area has a total of 300,000 sq kilometers. It is part of the Pacific Ring of Fire.
Thousands of mountains, volcanoes and hills, where the original inhabitants of the ancient Philippines were pushed back, branded as uncivilized and stereotyped as ignoramus, are scattered across the country. The highest peak is Davao’s Mount Apo with a height of 2, 954 m.
The country has one of the richest biodiversity in the world. Rainforest of the Philippines was once one of the most diverse in the world. Due to Catholic priests and other preachers of Christian religions who never talk about the importance of environment conservation but has always meddled with political affairs, 90% of the country’s forest is gone.
The country receives a massive rainfall annually. This has been happening for only God knows how many centuries yet Filipinos are seemed to be oblivious to their environment. Erosion, mudslide, landslide, flash flood and rogue flood, all of these calamities happen yearly but Filipinos do not give a heck about it. No country has the technology to stop typhoon and storms but one can definitely prevent disaster cause by landslide. Once, mudslide swallowed a whole school in Leyte. Politicians shed crocodile tears, the whole town grieved for the loss, then after a month, nobody cared anymore. The budget for digging up bodies was shared by the government officials. The site turned into a cemetery. After all, that is the simplest and most practical thing to do. This technique was conceived by the former Fist Lady Imelda Marcos.
A year has passed and the town folks are ready to elect the same useless officials. Wow! Flash news… Richard Gomez, well-known showbiz figure will run for a congress seat in the 2010 election. Leyte must look forward for more of these disasters.
HISTORY
The country has no history of itself. The Filipinos were dumb-down for 300 years by Spanish. Then came the two-year massacre by American soldiers followed by treaties which allowed the US to drain the Philippines of its natural resources. It was not only the natural resource but also the people. America dragged the Filipino people to two world wars. It was not surprising that Manila was the worst hit city in Asia. The US offered to help the Philippines to cope up after the war by lending money. Yes, it is lending not giving. In no time, the country’s debt ballooned and is now as unstoppable as the country’s population. As with every country, there should be independence day. After 3 centuries, independence from Spain was proclaimed on the 12th of June 1898. Blood, sweat, time, energy shed by Emilio Aguinaldo, Andres Bonifacio, Apolinario Mabini, Jose Rizal and many rovolutionists went down the drain because the freedom was short-lived. The United States of America, which is bigger, smarter and more powerful colonized (saved the Philippines from Spain according to history books) the archipelago. The pseudo-independece from America was on the 4th of July 1946.
It is safe to say that the history of the Philippines is more of history of Spanish, Japanese and American in the Philippines. A person who wants to know who the real Filipinos are must go to the mountains and talk to indigenous people dwelling on them. Below are the puppets (with the exception of Elpidio Quirino and Corazon Aquino’s accidental presidency) insured by CIA and the US government to run the Philippines
AMERICANIZED PUPPETS
Manuel L. Quezon
Jose P. Laurel
Sergio Osmena
Manuel Roxas
Elpidio Quirino
Ramon Magsaysay
Carlos P. Garcia
Diosdado Macapagal
Ferdinand Marcos
Corazon Aquino
Fidel V. Ramos
Joseph Estrada
Gloria Macapagal Arroyo
Politics and Government (and showbiz)
Executive
The Philippines has a modified presidential, unitary form of government where the President functions as both head of state and head of government and is commander-in-chief of the armed forces. Supposedly, the president is elected by popular vote to a single six-year term, during which time she or he appoints and presides over the cabinet. The cabinet is constituted by friends, relatives, and former opposition who switch sides, borrow or return one another.
Legislative
The bicameral Circus is composed of a Senate (24 seats – one-half elected every three years; members elected at large by popular vote to serve six-year terms), serving as the upper house, with members elected (supposedly by popular vote)to a six-year term
House of Representatives, serving as the lower house (as a result of May 2007 election it has 240 seats including 218 members representing districts and 22 sectoral party-list members representing special minorities elected on the basis of 1 seat for every 2% of the total vote but limited to 3 seats; members elected by popular vote to serve three-year terms; note – the Constitution prohibits the House of Representatives from having more than 250 members), with members elected to a three-year term. Supposedly, they are elected from both legislative districts and through sectoral representation but so far, they only represent theirselves and their families. Expensive meetings are held all the time to get free lunch, dance, sleep, gossip, or pose for picture-taking. A visit to a congress meeting is similar to a zoo field trip except that the zoo has cute animals. Zoos have varied animals as well and not limited to crocodiles, alligators, vultures, snakes, and sharks.
Judiciary
The judicial power is vested in the Supreme Court, composed of a Chief Justice as its presiding officer and fourteen associate justices, all appointed by the Philippine President from nominations submitted by the Judicial and Bar Council. They serve the president, politicians, business tycoons until 70 years of age. Only poor Filipinos go to jail. No rich person gets prosecuted or convicted. Every single jail in the country is jampacked with convicts who could not afford to hire a lawyer. Sandigan-bayan is a special court for hearing corruption cases of government officials. So far, it has been used only once.
Political Parties
The political parties in the Philippines are nowhere like parties in the US where as a person who is born a democrat will die like one. Parties here are literally like a Christmas or a birthday party. One can change within 24 hours.
seats by party – Lakas 4, LP 4, Nacionalista 3, NPC 2, PDP-Laban 2, PMP 2, Kampi 1, LDP 1, PRP 1, independents 3; note – there are 23 rather than 24 sitting senators because one senator was elected mayor of Manila; House of Representatives – percent of vote by party – NA; seats by party – Lakas 92, Kampi 54, NPC 25, LP 21, Party-list 22, independents 3, others 26; there are 238 rather than 240 sitting representatives because two died in office
Iglesia ni Cristo [Felix Manalo]; Katoliko [Cardinal Rosales] Kabalikat ng Malayang Pilipino or Kampi [Luis VILLAFUERTE]; Laban ng Demokratikong Pilipino (Struggle of Filipino Democrats) or LDP [Edgardo ANGARA]; Lakas ng EDSA-Christian Muslim Democrats or Lakas-CMD [Prospero NOGRALES]; Liberal Party or LP [Manuel ROXAS]; Nacionalista Party or NP [Manuel VILLAR]; Nationalist People’s Coalition or NPC [Frisco SAN JUAN]; PDP-Laban [Aquilino PIMENTEL]; People’s Reform Party [Miriam Defensor SANTIAGO]; Puwersa ng Masang Pilipino (Force of the Philippine Masses) or PMP [Joseph ESTRADA]; United Opposition or UNO [Jejomar BINAY] Showbizlandia [Whoever is the most popular on TV and in movies]
note: Lakas-CMD and Kampi merged on 29 May 2009 to form Lakas-Kampi CMD
RELIGION
90% of what is inside a Filipino skull is about Christianity and the Supreme Being. For instance, an earthquake shook the ground, so members of the family are panicking. The children hears their mom saying “Relax, children. Do not go out to an open field where no trees or buildings can fall on you. Just stand still and pray.” Another instance is when you witnessed a student being killed for his wallet by two hooligans. You report it to the police station. The police officers will tell you “Please pray for the repose of the victim’s soul. And we will not work on this case. Instead, we will pray too so that God will bring the suspects right here.” Filipinos never solve a problem. Some Filipinos who try to solve a problem are considered Satanists. Finding a solution is a blasphemy 84 million Filipinos let God solve it for them. Below are incidents that show how godly Filipinos are.
| Problems | Solution of the religious Filipinos who serve God | Solutions of people who serve Satan |
|
a. Yearly flash flood |
Prayer: “God, take away all these millions of tons of rubbish all over the country.” | Develop a good waste management system. Be a responsible citizen by keeping the surroundings clean all the time to avoid blocking the drainage system. |
|
b. Innumerable vehicular accidents on land, air and in the water.
|
Prayer: “God, please do not sink this ship.” | Develop and implement a strict law that prosecutes people who overload their ships, ship captains who bribes navy officers, navy officers who allow a ship to sail amidst a typhoon in exchange of bribe. |
| c. Robbery, killing incidents on a bus, in a cab, in an FX taxi, in a jeepney all day and all night. | Prayer: God, please save my cell phone.” | Allocate a modest budget to every police station and school, prosecute politicians who pocket budget, |
EDUCATION
The constitution states that the biggest budget allocation must go to education. Because the Philippines is the “Irony of the Orient”, education is only 3rd in the list. No wonder the Philippines is the only country in South east Asia where the secondary level has only 4 years. It is also has the worst student-teacher ratio next to India. Teachers are like ATM working 24/7 with a slave wage.
ECONOMY
The economy has growth 5% since President MACAPAGAL-ARROYO took office in 2001, a truly exceptional feat even though the national budget has been directed to paying external debt, then military expenditures respectively. Fiscal deficits declined, and an increase in spending on infrastructure and social services bolstered optimism over Philippine economic prospects. The general economic outlook of the country developed significantly in recent years. However, the economy still faces several long term challenges. The Philippines must maintain the reform momentum in order to catch up with regional competitors and improve employment opportunities. China has invested heavily on making its labour speak English. 10 years from now, all BPO and call centers in the Philippines will move to China and there is nothing that the archipelago can do. 30 % of the population is living in poverty. The Philippine economy grew at its fastest pace in three decades in 2007 with real GDP growth exceeding 7%, but growth slowed to 3.8% in 2008 as a result of the world financial crisis. The economic activity slowed down yet the population is still growing and the gap between the rich and the poor is getting bigger than ever. Remittances from the four- to five-million Filipinos who work abroad have helped cushion the economy from the current financial crisis.
1. Kidnapping – The government is firm on its “No Ransom” policy. Officers in charge are very firm only vocally. They never complement this policy with extreme intelligence and highly-organized tactical assault. Hence, there is kidnapping every week. Chinese, Koreans, and foreigners, just stay away from this country or enter on your own risk. Remember, the government is firm on its “No Ransom” policy. On the second thought, just stay away because you are making these kidnappers rich.
2. Human export; mail-order bride – This sector uses various ways such as telemarketing, internet websites, travel agencies and others.
3. Business Process Outsourcing – The Philippines is among the Top 10 choices for offshore operations. Majority of the BPO facilities are located in Metro Manila, Cebu City and Bacolod City, although other regional areas such as Baguio City, Cagayan de Oro, Clark (Angeles City), Dagupan City, Davao City, Tacloban City, Dumaguete City, Lipa City, Iloilo City, [[Legazpi City] and Iligan City are now being promoted and developed for offshore operations.
4. Borrowing money from WB, IMF and other institutions – The government is slow to respond on any calamities and just wait for International Red Cross, WB or other countries to take pity on helpless victims. When donation comes in, it helps the economy.
5. Religion – Aside from becoming a politician, creating a religion is a sure way to be rich.
6. Chettyars – These people are from India and are locally called as “bumbai”
7. Politics: bribery, graft and corruption – This is the “soul” of the Philippine economy.
8. Bum – This is a profession of a high stature. Shame on you if you are a teacher. You are pathetic if you are a nurse. If you are a bum, you must be proud and the people in your Friendster’s friend list envy you.
8. Overseas Filipino workers – Take the remittances away and the Philippines will sink instantly.
9. Export Commodities – semiconductors and electronic products, transport equipment, garments, copper products, petroleum products, coconut oil, fruits
10. Illegal drugs – domestic methamphetamine production has been a growing problem in recent years despite government crackdowns; major consumer of amphetamines. Few shabu laboratories have been raided but never has an owner been caught.
PEOPLE
Since authentic Philippine History does not exist, majority of the population is unaware of national identity. Only a handful of Filipinos know the words “patriotism”, and “nationalism” and could actually use them in a sentence correctly.
The population is 90 million and still counting. Scientists found out mystifying diseases inflicting 80 million Filipinos. Below are the scientific findings:
Amnesia
10 million Filipinos suffer from amnesia. This illness is evident all throughout the country. Politicians who murder innocent people get re-elected. Politicians who receive bribes get elected and re-elected. Politicians who corrupt get elected and re-elected. Lastly, politicians who do nothing for the people get elected and re-elected over and over again. All these resulted from Filipinos having amnesia and being forgetful.
Forgiving
20 million Filipinos are very forgiving. Politicians who fathered dozens of children with different mothers get elected and re-elected. Politicians who are caught embezzling funds for public projects get elected and re-elected. Politicians who are high school drop-outs get elected and re-elected.
Happy
20 million Filipinos are very happy. After 5 decades of the so-called Philippine independence, the country achieved nothing. It is a fact that the Philippines has sunk low and will be completely destroyed by the Filipinos themselves very soon. Amazingly, these happy Filipinos are oblivious to what has been happening to the country. They do not feel any sadness towards crimes, human rights abuse and violation, war, terrorism, corruption, graft, country’s debt, eroding morality, poverty and the likes.
God-fearing
30 million Filipinos are very religious. They let their churches decide for themselves. Take for example a family living under one of the bridges in Manila. The father is a laborer who receives 180 pesos (4 dollars) a day. The mother is a housemaker. She takes care of their 7 children who only eat two times a day. The couple will not stop producing babies until the church leader tells them so. In the next election, the couple will not vote for anybody who thinks has the ability to alleviate poverty. They will wait for the decision of the pastor.
The remaining 10 percent of the population can be broken down to:
4% – Uber-rich and politicians who are above the law.
6% – Those who do not suffer from amnesia, unforgiving, feel sadness and Satan-worshippers.
This is a joke. I’ve got nothing to do now. Got you!:-)
PS: My heartfelt thanks goes to the sources
Word War 3